What Phase of the Relationship Are You In?

Redefining Relationships Part 3

Everyone enters on the ground floor where they get into a relationship, but have no clue what love is.  It’s new.  My sister uses this phrase, “new love”.  It just means the couple is on phase one of The Relationship Life Cycle.  While on the ground floor they don’t realize that their relationship has a few phases in which it will progress.  

The ground floor of any relationship starts with knowing something called “The Relationship Life Cycle”.  Now I did not invent this cycle.  I’ve borrowed the phases and have used them for a number of years.   In the profession of Information Systems & Technology, we have something called the SDLC (System Development Life Cycle).  The SDLC is a diagram that indicates how the process will flow.   It provides the phases of the project so that you know what to expect 1st and what’s next until finally the project ends.  In the same way, relationships have a similar cycle.  However, think of it as a cycle that repeats over and over.  In the book, Love and Respect, the author refers to it as the crazy cycle.  Let me define it for you, you’ll better understand, and identify which phase you’re currently in.
Phase 1: Infatuation – This is the phase where everything is great.  You see no wrong in the person and they see no wrong in you.  You may vaguely remember those days when you loved everything about the person.  Your family, friends, coworkers and all could tell you this person is bad for you, but you would rather write off your closest family members and friends for this relationship.  You have “new love.” This is the phase where you’d go out of your way for your significant other no matter what the request.  You’d be there for them if only for a few seconds or a glimpse.  You’re infatuated by the person.  By the way, to be uncommon, you must be willing to get back to this state.  We must also do the same in our relationship with God.  In this phase, you actually see your significant other the way God does.  We must be infatuated.  

Phase 2: Realization – Then comes reality.  Before I tell you about realization, this is not where faith exists.  Faith, which is a gift to the uncommon, sees beyond reality into what’s possible as well as what seems impossible.  The realization phase is the phase where you meet the real person, the natural human.  The one the devil wants you to see.  You see all the flaws and problems that you were blinded too during the infatuation phase.  You start to see more of the real person, the stuff we’re normally trained to see in others.  You meet the mo-real-er (“morilla”).   Forgive me,  I like saying stuff like and making up words occasionally.  The morilla!

Phase 3: Conflict – You can just about guess what this phase is about.  It’s the phase where the infatuation monster meets the “morilla”.   The uncommon does battle with the common.  The great and wonderful person you thought you had conflicts with the normal person you see.  This is where most relationships end or take a turn for the worst.  Once you know this is where you are, you’ll be equipped or ready to deal with it.  Either way you’re here and there’s only one thing you can do with conflict, resolve it.

Phase 4: Resolution – The last phase before the cycle repeats is the resolution phase.  This phase says that we re-solve and/or find a solution for our conflicts.  The couple finds a way to overcome the conflicts.  Getting past this phase isn’t normal.  It takes a set of determined individuals who are committed and dedicated to each other to turn the corner of resolution. It can be done.  Finding a resolution means you look outside of the norm.  You look for an uncommon solution to a common problem.  

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You have what it takes to master these basic phases of any relationship now that you know they exist.  Think about where you are in your relationship and begin planning for the next phase.  What would it take to get your relationship back to the desired state of “infatuation” with the one you’ve pledged yourself to?  Leave a comment below.