The 16 Levels of Love – Part 9
I often wonder why people think their feelings are so important. What I mean is this; why are we as a society acting out of what we feel, how we feel? Because this is normal behavior, we sign off on it as if it’s okay. Just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be hurt or won’t hurt another. It doesn’t mean that produces the best result possible. The only thing I know for sure is that it will produce ordinary results. It will produce the same results that everyone else is getting and I’m certain that you don’t desire those outcomes. In fact, if you’re like most, you’re tired of it.
Have you ever wondered why there seems to be so much anger in your most important relationship?
It seems as if your significant other can just say one word and it sets you off and vice versa. Just because we feel a certain way doesn’t justify or make our action right. Realistically what it does is produce more of the same in our lives. We can only reap what we sow; we harvest the emotions we plant. If we are a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode on those we say we love, then we can only expect others to want to explode on us to a greater degree. Welcome to level 8 – The love I have makes it difficult to become angry.
The key word for level-eight love is “easily”.
Easily: not much effort required; without difficulty; with little resistance.
How easy is it for you to get angry with your spouse? Your children? Your family? Have you ever become irritable with those you love? Do you fly off the handle when it comes to the important people in your world?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any or all of the above, you need to step off the elevator at level-eight and I will join you there. Let’s dig in to what it means to need some level-eight love attention.
Level-eight: The love I have makes it difficult for me to become angry.
When things don’t go quite like I want them to or expect, I’m told I need an anger-management class. The worst part is, most often I fly off the deep end with those I love most. What an oxymoron? There’s no love in this behavior, my emotions, or my feelings.
Love it is not easily angered
If love isn’t easily angered, then why in the world am I displaying this behavior to my family when I am easily angered? What are you saying and displaying when you get angry? I’ll tell you this, it’s not love.
Love it is not irritable
Do you ever have those moments where you don’t want to be bothered? You just need a little alone time? Or you don’t like what your spouse might be saying? What about when you desire their attention and they are into something else? Do you get irritable? Are you irritated by them? Well that’s not love either.
Love doesn’t fly off the handle
Have you ever flown off the handle? I know I have. It’s pretty normal, you know? But because it’s normal means it’s not enough. Normal doesn’t work. We all want more than normal. Normal gets upset too easily. Normal flies off the handle way too quickly. Normal lacks love. You can’t be normal and love; it’s not a normal emotion or action.
I think you get the point of what happens when you spell out love’s opposites. It exposes us for being guilty of committing love’s opposite more than we demonstrate love itself.
- Are you someone who flies off the handle?
- Do you simmer internally?
- Are you huffing and puffing at your family?
- Have you lost your ability to smile at those you should smile?
Don’t try to fix it or give a reason for why, just own it if that’s you. I can assure you that the recipient of you flying off the handle could care less about the reason and it creates a degree of hurt within them. Is that what you intended? It’s not, but it’s common and produces those unwanted results.
Having Level-eight Love
Common: I get so upset with my spouse; he/she knows how to get me going, yet I love them.
How often does this happen? You get upset or your spouse is upset with you and then says I love you later on. It’s hard to believe that someone loves you yet treats you worse than they do coworkers and fellow church members.
Uncommon or No-longer-common: Love is not moved to anger easily; it takes a lot, a large amount to get me upset with the object of my love.
While this sounds strange and even difficult, it’s worth doing. When I was in college I thought getting a degree was difficult work but because I wanted it, I did what it took. Likewise, if you want to love and be loved, you’ll do what it takes and in this case, you’ll learn and practice being slow to anger. It will take a lot to make you upset.
I no longer say how difficult taking these steps can be, but love’s opposite happens slowly. It is a slow process becoming proficient and demonstrating level-eight love’s opposite, but you can reverse it in the same manner.
It’s that time. Insert your name in this phrase and begin the journey of mastering level-eight love today.
<Your name> is not easily angered or irritated. I no longer fly off the handle at those I love.
Question: What do you need to help stop you before you go off the handle? Leave me your thoughts or comments below.