The 16 Levels of Love – Part 8
It’s not a surprise that I want the attention all on me. Isn’t that the reason love works and is so cool? I have someone who is totally interested in me? Someone who loves me for me? There’s this person out there who doesn’t want me to change and who works for me?
I like to think this way. Why wouldn’t they love me? Is this your way of thinking? You’re so great that a person would have to be nuts not to love you (me). In this week’s installment, I tackle that common thought that to love means it’s all about me. We’re at level 7 of the 16 levels of love: my love for me is overwritten with my love for you.
The key to understanding level-seven love is to dissect the words, “self-seeking”.
Self-seeking: seeking one’s own interest; selfish
What does it mean to be self-seeking? Can I only see me? Are my interests getting in my way of seeing my significant other’s interest? Am I blinded by my own selfishness?
Answering these questions truthfully is a good way to humble oneself. One of the main reasons a relationship has problems is due to the fact that one or both are what’s called self-seekers. They are more interested in their own interests than in the other person’s.
Level-seven: My love for me is overwritten with my love for you.
You should ( I should) take a lesson from my computer’s hard drive. As the drive fills and you’re alerted that the disc space is almost at its max, you’ll begin to delete items you no longer need. When new files are added, because of limited space, the computer knows to overwrite the data that was previously deleted. In the same way, you must become proficient at deleting your interests and overwriting them with the interests of the one you love.
Love is not self-seeking
If love isn’t self-seeking that means it’s others-seeking. You seek, search and re-search another. We used to use this phrase when I was younger, I’m not sturn’ you (I’m not studying you). The truth is love studies the one you say you love. The test of love is simple, how much do you know about the person you’re with? It’s an endless field of study. You should have a PHD in the one you love.
Love does not demand its own way.
You must become good at not having your way, but giving way to another. Parents know this all too well when there’s an infant in the home; they give way to the child.
Love cares more for others than for self.
How in the world can I care for this other person more than I care for myself? This is a good question. And since this is difficult to do, you’re going to need some help. That’s why there is no love outside of God, you’re going to need His help. In the same way you love yourself, you must love your spouse, your family, anyone else you love but even greater. Now that’s some uncommon thinking.
The best method we’ve found to describe what love is, is to state what it is not. Here are just a few questions to help you see what love is not:
- Are you serving your agenda?
- Is the decision made based on what’s good for you?
- Do you want to win over others?
- Are you praying for what benefits you in the relationship?
If it’s beginning to feel like “love” is not about you, then you’re beginning to get it. It’s not. That’s where normal people miss it, thinking about themselves 1st.
Having Level-seven Love
Common: I love you, but it has to be my way or the highway. I have stipulations with my love.
I’m beginning to learn that my way is not The Way. Anytime I put stipulations on my wife, it says I don’t love her. Anytime, my stipulations put a barrier (a wall) between us, it says I don’t love her. Normal people don’t see it this way, that’s what makes them normal and oblivious to how to love.
Uncommon or No-longer-common: My love for you means I have no love for me. It overrides my love for me.
Ouch! That’s a huge statement. Level-seven love says that I can’t have love for me, it must be overridden with love for you.
It’s easy to think of self 1st, but it’s just as easy to override this thinking. Whenever, you think of what you want or desire, ask your significant other their wants and desires. Let your selfishness be the trigger or prompt to be selfless to the most important person in your world.
It’s time to make a declaration! Insert your name in this phrase.
<Your name> is not self-seeking; I override the love I have for myself with the love that I have for my spouse.
Question: What one habit can you change that will override putting you first and place your spouse first? Leave me your thoughts or comments below.