Level 4 – Forget You and Focus on Another

The 16 Levels of Love – Part 5

I’m one that must go against the grain.  I have a problem when someone says that’s just the way it’s supposed to be, normal.  When I was in elementary (grade-school), I made the best grades of any student.  When I was transitioning to middle school, I was told by peers and upperclassmen that my grades would change because middle school was harder and the same for junior high, high school and even college.  I found out that just because it’s normal doesn’t mean a thing.  It simply means you have an opportunity to do and be what no one else is willing to do or be.  

The same is true in relationships, there are those that will tell you that relationships are hard and difficult.  And marriage is the worst.  That’s normal.  I know pastors, ministers and preachers who would rather stop you from getting married than for you or get married.  Why?!  They’re banking on you being normal.  (Ignore this for a minute, I need to go left.)  “Normal” has no place existing in the life of a follower of Jesus Christ, a Christian.  So if everything I’ve mentioned above is true, what’s missing?  How to be something other than normal.  

In the 16 levels of love, it’s our goal to show you that “love” isn’t normal.  In this post, we’re talking about level-four love: Love focuses on what others have accomplished.
Love it does not boast.  It doesn’t strut.”

To understand this phrase, we will define the one word that might need highlighting, “boast”.

Boast: speaking with exaggeration or excessive pride; bragging; “puffed up

Level-four: Love focuses on what others have accomplished.
How often do you speak of your own accomplishments?  How often do you want to get the credit for what’s done?  Do you ever think back to the day you were a great athlete, student, or employee and highlight your accomplishments?  

Do you find yourself bragging about your children and not on your children?  How often do you throw your great attributes in the face of another?  Is it possible that you “boast” more often than you think?  The answer to this question is yes, because that’s normal.  We must fight against being normal; it doesn’t work and it’s no longer enough.

Love it does not boast.
Imagine that, love doesn’t brag on self.  That means if you’re bragging on yourself to another, it says I don’t love you.  I’ll go further, you might not know what love is.  You see if you boast that means you desire to be the center of attention.  That’s call selfishness, the opposite of love.  Love can never be self promoting.

Love doesn’t strut.
To strut says that you’ve done something or accomplished something.  Strutting is bragging without words; it’s a boastful attitude.  It’s not love.  Love would never devalue or belittle another.  Love doesn’t have that characteristic.  When you boast about your accomplishments to your significant other; it says that their contributions are nothing.  What kind of love would tell the most important person in your world that they are nothing compared to you?  That’s not love and I don’t care how “common” such actions occur; it’s not love and never will be.

Level-four’s Opposite
Here are a few indicators that you’re operating in level-four love’s opposite (normal):

  • You’re always talking about what you have done or not done.
  • You have a resume’ comparison for whatever other’s present to you.
  • You make it clear that it’s because of you (me) that the team wins.
  • You say what you’ve done and never us, we or the other individual.

Did any of these hit you hard? Just remember, love focuses on what others have accomplished!

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Having Level-Four Love
Common is wanting to always think, talk about, and monopolize others with what I’ve done or am about to do.  That’s normal; putting the focus on me.  I hope you’re beginning to see how selfish “normal” people can be and why it can create problems in any relationship.

Now for what’s uncommon.  I’d rather talk about what my spouse is doing or has accomplished.  I’m always finding what contributions were made by another.  I take the low-road and highlight the life and victories of others, my family and my team.  I see the benefits in forgetting what I’ve done to talk about what others have.  That’s love.  That’s loving others.

By now, you’re getting used to how these post.  It’s time to insert your name here.
[Your Name] does not boast and if I do I boast on others.

Question: What’s one takeaway that you can apply to your relationship today; one that allows you to take the focus off self and place it on the other? Leave me your thoughts, or comments below.

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