The 16 Levels of Love – Part 4
I often tease with my wife by singing a Luther Vandross song. This song only comes to mind when someone we know is having relationship (marital) issues. The song is “Love the One You’re With“. The words go a little something like this…
“If you can’t be with the one you love,
Then, love the one you’re with.”
Those words can leave you with two perspectives, a negative one and a positive one. The 1st perspective would indicate that there is someone you love and you can’t be with that person. The 2nd says forget about that person you’d love to be with and love the one you’re actually with. In this post, I’m introducing you to the 3rd level of love: Love is satisfied with what it has. Love the one you’re with!
Level-three: Love is satisfied with what it has.
Have you ever had the thought that this person isn’t right for me? How about, he/she no longer makes me happy? That’s probably the most popular one, the most common one. What about, they no longer fulfill my needs or desires? We’re no longer compatible? Do you know what statements like this indicate? You’re operating outside of love. You’re turning from “love” to be normal, common, like everyone else. You see love is an attribute of the “uncommon”. It’s not normal, it’s beyond normal.
Love does not envy.
If you’ve ever compared yourself to your significant other, you stepped out of “uncommon”, love, into normal. If you can’t promote your significant other, what you’re saying is that you don’t love them. You see “normal” people think they can love others and be envious of them. Sorry, it’s not possible.
Love is not jealous.
Love doesn’t live inside of jealousy. When you’re jealous of your spouse, you show the opposite of love. I know it’s tempting to want to insert “hate” here as the opposite of love, but “hate” isn’t love’s opposite; selfishness is. When you’re jealous of your significant other it shows your selfishness.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
This one is good. As soon as you begin to apply characteristics of others against those of your spouse, you just stepped out of love, extraordinary into common. When you wish your spouse was one way because you saw how so-and-so behaves, you’re not acting from a place of love. Love does not desire what it does not have!
This is my favorite part of writing about the 16 Levels of Love, stating what love is not. In level-three, let me provide a few examples of what love is not:
- Love is not envious.
- Love is not jealous of my significant other.
- Love doesn’t wants what someone else has as if my spouse is deficient.
- Love doesn’t overlook what’s in front of them.
- Love doesn’t stop seeing the person which they say they love.
Here’s the point in stating the opposite. Most can associate with what love is not better than what love is. This means we’ve become masters of not-loving. “Common” is the absence of love and believing that it is love.
Having Level-Three Love
Common is becoming envious of the one or ones you love. It’s you desiring what you don’t have. You see something you like and want your significant other to have it and when they don’t you have a problem. What’s funny is this. Had you never been introduced to that attribute, it would never have been a problem and your significant other would still be enough for you. How does that work? Love is satisfied with what it has!
Now for the uncommon. You can’t love someone and want someone else or what someone else has. Love is totally satisfied with what it has. Being satisfied means you concentrate on all the great attributes that person brings. It takes work to keep your eyes on the good things in your life that become too familiar, but it’s doable. It would work wonders for your relationship to keep a list of all the great things that your spouse brings to the table. Share a few with them; make that a competition in the relationship. See who can name the most satisfying attributes in each other. Love is satisfied with what it has!
Now, insert your name; [Your name] is totally satisfied with what [Your name] has.
Question: What can you do to ensure you’re satisfied with the one you say you love? Leave me your thoughts, or comments below or click here to email me.