Ordinary in A Marriage Isn’t Enough – Part 2
Since 50% of a person has been proven to no longer be enough, 100% of a person is the only way to go. It’s what we should strive for in any relationship – giving 100% of myself. How do I get to 100% for the sake of my relationship-my marriage?
The 100/0 Principle
My wife introduced me to this principle of 100%. It came from a quote we found from Al Ritter, “You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.” This new principle is called the 100/0 principle. 100% simply means, I’ll give 100% of myself. I’m not incomplete nor was I missing part of my person when I came into the relationship. I’m bringing all that I have and all that I am to the relationship. I’m not waiting for my spouse to give me the other half of who I am. You have heard many people refer to your spouse as your better “half”. Well I’m challenging that. Your spouse is your better “whole”. Your spouse isn’t a better half, he/she is a better whole. In this relationship we have 200% which we will need if we want a relationship that will last. I know what you might be thinking, what if I come into a relationship short of 100%? Even if you’re shy of 100%, you are certainly more than 1/2 a person. Let’s say your 75% of the person you’re to become. If both you and your partner are 75%, then together you have 150% and that’s still more than 100%.
Now for an example to demonstrate this one sided relationship.
Hosea, from The Bible, further enforced this 100/0 principle. God caused Hosea to love his wife who was a harlot. She would not do right by Hosea. Here’s what God said to Hosea…
“Then the Lord said to me, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the Lord still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them. ””
Common thinking says that’s grounds to abandon the relationship, right? So here’s what I tell my wife. If you decide to step out on me, please don’t tell me about. I don’t care to know. That’s just extra stuff I don’t need to deal with. I’ve made up in my mind just to love you. I take on 100% responsibility for my relationship with you. What Hosea, rather God using Hosea, teaches us is that we can take full responsibility for our relationships and we should. We give the 100 and expect 0 (nothing) in return. That’s love; welcome to The Tower of Love.
Do you know what expecting nothing in return does for a person? It lowers what’s expected. When you’re expecting nothing and get something, you’ll have joy that can’t be extinguished. So Kerry, are you saying that I shouldn’t leave my spouse if he/she steps out on the relationship? No; I’m saying be 100% responsible if he/she does or doesn’t. Their actions have nothing to do with what you give. If you want an uncommon relationship, you need uncommon practices. If you want a relationship that yields success, you’ll need to do something that ordinary people don’t. Start by taking 100% responsibility.
What would taking 100% of the responsibility while expecting nothing in return do for your relationship? Leave me a comment or reply via email.