Who’s Responsible for the Relationship?

Loved Like No Other

Part 4 – Who’s Responsible for the Relationship?

You may be tempted to give up on relationships and I can’t blame you for that.  You’ve heard the statistics regarding marriage.
50% end in divorce whether you’re a Christian or not.
There are as many blended families as there are non-blended. Step-moms. Step-dads.  No dads!
Your friends have relationship challenges.  Some have such challenges, you need a new word to describe them.  They just have problems.  In fact, you know more people who’ve had bad relationships or relationship issues than there are success stories.  It would appear that the odds are not in your favor.  Because that’s normal.  You have a decision to make are you going to be okay with normal?  And are you going to continue to tolerate its effects on your life?  If not, say it with me, I’m not having a normal relationship!

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50/50 Relationships are “normal”
If you only knew how much I hate that word-normal.  For years (ever), I’ve heard this statement.  Relationships are 50/50.  It’s the common phrase used in giving advice to couples.  It means we share 1/2 the responsibility.  Do you see any problems with this?  The reason you don’t is because it’s “normal”.   Regardless of seeing an issue with it or not, “normal” relationships end in divorce.  “Normal” relationships have problems, stress, and unfaithfulness. “Normal” relationships don’t last.  If that’s true and it is, the “50/50” relationship approach must not be a true answer to having a great relationship.  It might be popular, but it’s certainly not effective.  Why would you subject yourself to such pitiful odds?  Who sets themselves up to lose?  The opposite of winners, I call them “normal”.

To have an uncommon relationship, what does it take?
What would happen if for this moment, we’d forget about being “normal”.  What if we forgot everything we’ve witnessed and know about relationships?  What if we could start over with a clean sheet of paper?  How would we create a relationship that worked.  And when I say, “that worked”, I mean lasts a lifetime.  
Doesn’t risk hurt due to an unfaithful spouse.  
Doesn’t argue over things that, at the end of the day, don’t matter.  
Doesn’t expect less than the best of each other.  
Operates like a team whose members are always working to better each other.   
What would it take to have a relationship unlike any you’ve ever seen?  You will need to do what no other “normal” couple has done or willing to do.

My wife says it best
The answer to having a great relationship is not “common”, but guarantees better results: it’s the 100/0 principle. This is a principle referenced often by my wife.

“You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.” Al Ritter

In all actuality I like this Al Ritter quote; it aligns perfectly with the Bible’s definition of love.  Just as a side-note,  if you read the Bible’s definition of love, you’ll find you’ve not been loved or you’ve not given love before.  And it’s okay because that’s normal.  Not okay!  The 100/0 principle says that 100% of the responsibility of the relationship is on one person, you.  You should take responsibility for what happens.  You no longer depend on your spouse or significant other to do something or get it right.  You do it.  You don’t seek or need anything in return.  You’ve decided that 100% of this relationship rests on your shoulders.  Uncommon?  Oh yeah!  If 100% of the relationship is on you, then everything that happens is your fault and you need to resolve your issues.  I hear your rebuttals.  You’re saying, but what about my spouse/significant other; what do they have to do?  That’s a “normal” response.  From your standpoint, they have 0% responsibility.  They don’t have any of the responsibility; you have it all.  That sounds crazy; no it sounds “uncommon”.  [Left]  And if you don’t like it, don’t do it.  See how being “normal” works out for you.  You know how that looks. You see “normal” everyday.  

If you want an uncommon relationship, you’ll need an uncommon solution.  Once you decide 100% of the responsibility of the relationship is yours, your whole perspective will change.  You’ll stop blaming others for what’s your fault and work to fix you and not your significant other.  Because at the end of the day, if there is a relationship problem, you’re the problem or it’s your problem no matter what.

You can have a relationship like no other, only if you have a relationship like no other.  What can the 100/0 principle make happen in your relationship?  Leave us a comment.

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