What to Say to a Father?

How Your Words Transform a Father

In the church world, one of the topics of ongoing conversations is how do we get the men more involved. In most churches, the ladies outnumber the men and today since it’s Father’s day, I want to give one perspective we can consider. As a person who regularly attends church, over the years in various church settings and denominations, it appears that men generally get beat up in church. What I mean by this is, men are a target for messages and sermons on a man’s need to improve. If you listen to most church messages, men very rarely get it right or get a good report. Every speaker, be it man or woman, usually attacks the men whether intentionally or unintentionally. Trust me I understand, most of the time we men may deserve it. But someone must ask the question, do we really?

Regardless, why would anyone willing subject themselves to a beating or a fight they can never win? I know I wouldn’t even show up for the contest if I knew it was impossible for me to win.

Before I continue, let me state the underlying thought behind this message. I’ve learned and others have confirmed that beyond any one single wish that a man has, peace is at the top of that list. If a man, father, is unable to find peace in a place, he surely is not going to stay in that situation long. As it goes with a church service that brings unrest or lack of peace, men generally would rather stay away. If he is unable to have peace at home, he’ll soon leave or find a way to have peace. Same for church, work, or any other place that’s a source of unrest for a man.

Peace is one of those words that can be hard to define, like love. What brings one man, father, peace isn’t the same for another. However, whatever the definition, men must have peace. The awesome fact I’d like to state is that the church should be the greatest peace restorer. You see, God is the god of peace. His son, Jesus, is the prince of peace, and His Spirit offers us peace. Therefore we as representatives of God should be dealers in peace if not for God, Himself, for the men.

As a Father, what do I want to hear?
Peace begins with the words we use, therefore peace comes by way of what we hear. Have you ever considered what a Father wishes to hear? In other words, what are the words we can use to motivate a father? What words offered will bring peace to a father? 

We know the words we can use to tear one down. They’re the common words we use daily. We see fathers who amount to nothing everyday. I propose that one of the reasons stems from the words we’ve been using to describe them. Our words are the creative force that have produced the weak, tired, inactive, and non-present fathers we’re seeing. What if we changed the words that a father is hearing from us starting today? What if you highlighted what the fathers in your life have done well? That would be uncommon; that would offer peace (wholeness, removing anything that’s broken, and replenishing what went lacking).

One of the biggest compliments that I appreciate as a father is when our daughter wishes to model one of my characteristics. When I hear the words that she behaves with one of my good character traits, it causes me to become better in that characteristic and it makes me apply myself even more in this area of greatness. What words are you using to expose the greatness in the fathers around you? What words are you using to bring them peace?

As a Father, what do I need to hear?
Have you ever considered what a father needs to hear? While what a father wants to hear is a starting place to promote change in the life of one, the second place which will have the biggest impact is to have the words that a father needs to hear. The words designed to bring him peace.

Allow me to give you the sources from where the words a father needs to hear come from: their spouse, their sibling, their mother, their children, their friends, their mentors and the people they mentor. Everyone can play a critical role in providing the words that a father needs to hear. Anyone has what it takes to bring peace to a person who constantly battles unrest. Unrest can come in several forms I might add. It comes mentally, physically, and even spiritually. Each area can be impacted with the use of the right words.

Now for what words a father needs to hear. While a father needs to hear how great he is, he also needs to hear how he can better himself. As a sportsman, athlete, employee, a man (father) doesn’t mind hearing feedback that they find useful. However, the feedback needs to come in a way that he is able to receive. For example, from a wife, a father needs to hear her say that she loves it when he does… From a dad, a father needs to hear that his father sees him as a good dad and that greatness can be furthered if he does… The words a father needs to hear are important if you’re in the father improvement business. Otherwise you’re in the father destruction business, a person who robs one of peace.

We all know that Father’s Day can never compare to Mother’s Day, however, we have an opportunity to improve upon Father’s Day by 1) not beating up on our fathers, 2) saying what our fathers want to hear, and 3) saying what our fathers need to hear in the way he can receive it. It’s time we start bringing peace to our men. Bring wholeness. Restore what’s missing. Repair what’s broken. All these actions can happen by simply employing the right words.

Question: what will you say to the fathers in your life this Father’s Day?

From my family to you, Happy Father’s Day!

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